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Mothering Our Selves
By Lauren Archer Finkelstein
I’m amazed at how few of us take proper care of ourselves. Mother’s Day is a perfect time to focus on how important self-care is to the health and well-being of our selves, our families, and the planet as a whole.
Consider this: When we don’t take care of ourselves, we create a pattern of energy that is self-destructive. We begin with the best intentions to do the right thing and live a good life. Then somehow we buy into the belief system that we have to be “superachievers” to succeed. Soon we become stressed out, self-critical, pushing ourselves too hard. That makes us tired, cranky, and insecure. We may try to console ourselves with unhealthy habits like smoking, drinking, overeating, or watching too much TV. Before we know it, instead of spreading good will and positive energy around, we’re spreading anxiety and tension around. Then we berate ourselves for not living up to our best intentions, so we try harder. And the pattern continues. I know – I’ve been there.
How can we change that pattern? We can start by Mothering our Selves. As children, we looked to our mother for care and nurturing. Of course, no mother is perfect, and some of us have been left with emotional scars from not having our needs met. The good news is that we now have the opportunity to pick up where our own mothers left off; deliberately filling the gaps that she may have left behind. As adults, we have the responsibility to take care of ourselves, and that includes:
Why is it that so many of us go without the essential self-care that we need? Why do we try to “tough it out?”
Perhaps we think that self-nurturing is optional. (It’s not.) Perhaps we think we have to sacrifice all of our needs to take care of others. (We don’t.) Or maybe we think that we simply don’t have enough time. (We do.) The truth of the matter is that unless we honor and care for our own essential needs, we can’t fully be there to offer care for others. You can’t give what you don’t have.
This is not to suggest that we should all become self-indulgent, over-pampered narcissists. The essence of mothering is identifying our essential needs (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual) and finding healthy ways to meet those needs. Mothering takes courage, intelligence, diligence, maturity and commitment. It definitely requires a sense of humor. And it takes a heart willing to love and forgive.
A Mother’s Day Gift For You… In one of the “Mind-Body-Spirit Fitness” classes I led, we all put our heads together and came up with a list of 65 ideas for healthy self-nurturing. Some take only moments, and many are free. As a gift for Mother’s Day, I’d like to share it with you. I encourage you to add your own (and please send me your ideas to share with others).
If you take a few moments to imagine all the positive ways you can nurture yourself, the next time you feel the urge to rely upon a familiar, unproductive, habitual behavior, your mind will be prepared to make a new, positive, healthy choice instead. In that moment, you will experience the joy of mothering your Self. And you’ll find that when we come from a place of balance and harmony, we have the strength to reach out to others, to help make the world a better place.
Mother’s Day Bonus Gift 65 Healthy Ways to Nurture Your Self
1. Say a prayer for the health and happiness of oneself, one's family and friends, and for the world and all her creatures 2. Drink herbal tea instead of coffee or soda, and thank Mother Earth for her medicine chest 3. Share some joy by petting a dog or cat, your own or a neighbors’, and shower it with adoring baby-talk 4. Stop by a health food store and set out to discover some new product that looks interesting or useful to your well-being, or a bookstore to discover something eye-catching and inspirational to read, or a music store to find some beautiful and soul-deepening music to listen to. 5. Dance 6. Get a massage 7. Sit outside and enjoy the view 8. Take a walk 9. Listen to some relaxing music 10. Write a gratitude list 11. Take a bubble bath 12. Sit in a hot tub 13. Take a stretch break 14. Do some deep breathing 15. Find one small action to take to move you closer to your goals 16. Visualize your goals 17. Write in a journal 18. Find ways to help those less fortunate 19. Play a musical instrument or sing a song 20. Punch a pillow 21. Call a friend 22. Decorate something 23. Read something inspirational 24. Massage your scalp 25. Write a thank-you card to someone 26. Forgive yourself for something 27. Look in the mirror and find something to love about yourself 28. Do a 5 minute concentration exercise 29. Do 15 leg lifts per leg to the front, side, and back 30. Paint something 31. Watch Oprah 32. Roller skate 33. Go to a movie 34. Hug a tree 35. Volunteer at an animal shelter or a senior center 36. Make something beautiful 38. Try on shoes 39. Give yourself a manicure 40. Give yourself a pedicure 41. Invite a neighbor over for coffee or tea 42. Take a class and learn something new 43. See a psychic 44. Have your Astrological chart done 45. Listen to a guided visualization 46. Attend a concert or a play 47. Get on your hands and knees and play with a child 48. Get on your hands and knees and play in the garden 49. Lay on your back and imagine pictures in the clouds 50. Contemplate the Universe 51. Tell the people in your life that you love and appreciate them 52. Write a list of accomplishments that you are proud of 53. Update your Goals List 54. Remember some of your childhood dreams and think of ways that they can still come true 55. Visualize a “Wildly Improbable Goal” 56. Release judgment of yourself and others 57. Get a facial 58. Lay on the floor and do abdominal exercises or stand and do squats 59. Practice Positive Self-Talk 60. Move your body in a way that’s fun 61. Plan a vacation 62. Plan a project or party 63. Tune in to the energy of love within your self and allow it to express outwardly 64. Make a secret donation to your favorite cause or give a secret gift to a friend or child 65. Visualize yourself as the person you most want to be!
Remember to take care of your Self, and have a happy Mother’s Day!
Lauren
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Lauren Archer and Positive Central are divisions of Laurie Finkelstein Consulting LLC-
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